Moonless Night
by sillybella
Summary: A series of oneshots about Edward's life before Bella arrived in Forks. A personal challenge from apocalyspe cabaret AKA art of pretension
1. Saved by the Bell

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This series is my own private challenge from apocalypse cabaret/art of pretension. This first one is her idea entirely. What if Mike noticed that Edward never ate? This story is set during Edward's junior year the semester before Bella arrived.

_**Saved by the Bell**_

by silly bella

_I don't know why I'm so intimidated around him. He's just so aloof. Thinks he's better than the rest of us. Him and his whole family. If they weren't so antisocial. They never talk to anybody. But I'm going to ask him._

Great. Mike Newton was going to talk to me. His little brain was swirling so hard around his nervousness that he never _once_ thought about his inquiry. I settled into my desk in Biology, letting my books take up the extra space. It could be worse. I could be partnered with one of the inane students struggling with the content of this plebian course.

Newton approached my desk nervously. He eyed me, twisting his mouth as if contemplating something important. Finally he spoke. "Cullen, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Ask away." He'd finally thought his question, so I knew what it was. He was more observant than I'd given him credit for being. But I had an answer that would put him off.

He swallowed, as if gathering the nerve to voice his question. "You always get food in the cafeteria, but you never eat it. Why? You anorexic or what?" _Why did I have to add that last bit? Like I care if he's anorexic. Do guys get anorexic?_

Why indeed? Was he gay? I'd never heard him think about guys, but it would be my luck. As if half the girls in the school having fantasies about me weren't enough, would Newton be adding his own little perverse daydreams? I figured it was instinct that made him nervous, but what if I were wrong? "I am not anorexic. My appetite is quite sufficient, and my eating habits are such as to maintain a healthy mind and body."

"It can't be too healthy to skip lunch every day. Don't you get hungry?" He was persistent. How very annoying.

I smirked. "Are you insinuating that the food in the cafeteria is nutritious? I'm a lot healthier without it." And while anorexia isn't my problem, bulimia might be if I ate cafeteria food. Or any food, for that matter.

"Then why do you buy lunch at all if you know you aren't going to eat it?" He narrowed his eyes. "It's wasteful."

Clearly, I needed to resort to lies. It's not as if it were the first time. "I suppose I keep hoping that it might be edible. Sadly, it never is."

He frowned. "Lots of people eat it. It can't be that bad."

"The body is a temple. Why would I profane my body with something like cafeteria food?" I smiled.

_Give me a break. The body is a temple? Who talks like that? He's probably gay. No wonder all the girls like him. They always like gay guys. Profane his body. Right. But we had vegetables in the cafeteria. And salad. It was hard to mess up a salad._

I needed to head him off at the pass, so to speak, and from his thoughts, I could just say I was a vegetarian, regardless of what I meant by it. So I took it one step farther. "And I'm a vegan." What would he make of that?

"What's a vegan?" Mike repeated, confused.

"Sort of like a vegetarian, but no milk or egg products, either." There, I wasn't even lying. Vegans didn't eat milk or egg products, and neither did I. Even if most vegans wouldn't approve of my diet. "Almost everything here has cheese on it and most of the vegetables are cooked with butter. Or dressing on the salads." That should satisfy him.

"A vegan. That's different." He still looked puzzled. He frowned. _What about apples? They don't have butter or cheese on them._

I could tell he was about to ask. I wasn't sure what to say. Maybe that I only ate organically grown fruits and vegetables?

Mr. Banner rushed into the classroom just as the alarm rang for class to begin. "Have a seat, please, Mr. Newton."

Mike reluctantly headed back to his desk. _Who cares if he's a picky eater? A vegan. How weird can he get?_

I smiled. Saved by the bell.


	2. Customs and Costumes

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This series is my own private challenge from apocalypse cabaret/art of pretension. This particular one-shot would be from the fall semester the first year the Cullens arrived in Forks.

_**Customs and Costumes**_

by silly bella

I hated this. It was the same no matter where we went. Halloween. Alice loved it, of course. I, on the other hand, thought it was the worst day of the year. Stupid human customs. Why the school broke dress code for the day and allowed people to attend class in costume escaped me. I wanted nothing of it. Not even to pacify Alice.

She'd tried to get me to come as a baseball player. Next was Dean Martin. I could hear her trying to persuade me. 'He's the King of Cool, Edward. That's what Elvis called him. He was Elvis' idol. And he knocked the Beatles out of the number one position on the charts with a re-release of one of his songs. You hate the Beatles. It's the perfect costume for you.' She made her way through suggestions of my favorite Shakespeare characters. Then she started working her way through the rest of my favorite literature. She even suggested James Bond. I refused them all.

For once, Jasper had dictated their costumes. Alice wore a hoopskirt and refused to answer to anything but Scarlett, as in O'Hara. She was holding up a carrot stick and speaking in a deep southern accent. "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."

I rolled my eyes impatiently and muttered, "Frankly, Alice, I don't give a damn," but she ignored me. She was too interested in Jasper, dressed as Rhett Butler. Jasper, too, was totally absorbed in Alice. Apparently, he reacted to hoopskirts the way the average human male responded to swimsuit models. I shook my head and kicked him under the table. "Quit thinking about that. It's disturbing."

Emmett laughed so hard he snorted. _It would be easier for you if you found a girl… or a guy, if that's your preference._ He frowned when I growled at him. _Don't growl at me that way. I was just trying to help._

"I'm perfectly happy, Emmett. I just prefer not to have images of my sibling in flagrante delicto, thank you. Particularly in a cafeteria where the smell of the food and the masticulation noises from the hordes of human children are offensive enough." I glared at him, which was difficult since he was wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume.

Before he could respond, Rosalie grabbed his arm and exhaled great force. Jasper jerked to stare at her, an angry grimace on his face. _I can't believe she wore the same costume I did!_

So that was it. Some human girl had the misfortune to choose this year to dress as Marilyn Monroe.

"How dare she!" I taunted, my eyes scanning the crowd to see who the ill-fated human was. Lauren Mallory. I found it difficult to be sympathetic. She was among the most obnoxious students at the school.

Lauren caught sight of Rosalie as she rushed to the table filled with her clique. She stared at Rosalie, her eyes narrowing. Rosalie glared back, her anger hot and fresh. Lauren looked to the side the way a weaker dog does to signal submission. _I look better than she does. I could be a model, I'll bet. Those Cullens think they're all that._ Then she sat at her table, informing her friends, "I'll bet she heard me mention my costume and decided to wear the same thing. I pull it off better than she does, though. Don't you think?" Her friends assured her that she made a more credible Marilyn than Rosalie, but their thoughts betrayed them. A couple of the boys looked with longing at my sister, who ignored them.

Unfortunately, Rosalie heard as well as I did, at least when Lauren spoke. "The very idea that I would mimic her. Stupid human. This dress is the real thing, just like the one Marilyn wore. I can't believe Richard Travilla tried to tell people that dress was made just for the movie. He may have altered it, but it came straight off the rack. It wasn't even couture."

I watched some of the other students carry food to their tables. A tall, shy girl named Angela dressed as a ballerina.

A boy from my Spanish I class followed her every move. _She looks like a Degas._ He was dressed as a manga character. I didn't follow the books, so I wasn't sure of the name. I couldn't help being impressed that he knew who Degas was. Most of the students here thought the Impressionists were a band.

Jessica Stanley, one of the Forks girls with a more persistent infatuation, wore some sort of leotard and a headband with animal ears. Her eyes flickered in my direction. Peeking into her brain when she thought about me was almost worse than an eyeful of Jasper's thoughts earlier. A weaker man might have bitten her just to stop the fantasies. She noticed me and smiled, arching her back to push out her chest.

With a roll of my eyes, I turned to Alice. "What is it you like so much about Halloween? You can't even eat the candy."

"It's fun, Edward. It's almost as good as Christmas, but there aren't any presents." Alice beamed.

"I'll buy you a Halloween present next year if you promise not to try to make me dress up." I truly hoped she'd take me up on the offer.

Rosalie scoffed. "Remember who you're talking to. Edward's above fun."

"It's not that. I like fun as much as the next person. I just have a different idea of what constitutes fun," I said, narrowing my eyes at her. "Dressing up to celebrate some utterly stupid human event is _not_ fun."

A nerdy boy dressed as a… well, a nerd, passed by. _I'll be just like Bill Gates. See what they all think when I come back our five year reunion as a millionaire… a … billionaire, even._ But what really caught my eyes was the two boys behind him. The first one, Tyler Crowley, wore a football uniform. That came as no surprise since he was already, even as a freshman, one of the school's better known jocks. But the other one, Mike Newton, made me laugh.

"What's so funny, Edward?" Emmett asked. Then he turned to look. "He did not…" Emmett wasn't even able to finish the sentence. Too shocked to laugh, he stared.

The rest of my siblings turned to see what had captured out attention so thoroughly. They watched, utterly horrified as Mike Newton stepped away from the food line carrying a tray of cafeteria cuisine and wearing traditional horror movie black, complete with a cape and plastic fangs. For a moment, they were stunned into silence.

_Crap. I'm going to have to take my fangs out to eat._

_A vampire? He came as a vampire? You have to be kidding!_ Alice giggled.

Rosalie, on the other hand, seemed angry. _On my worst day I don't look anything like that. Where do people get these ideas?_

Jasper shook his head, chuckling. In fact, we all laughed, even Rosalie.

Suddenly, the noise of the cafeteria hushed. Every head turned in our direction. I could hear their thoughts, but no one spoke.

_The Cullens are laughing? They never make any noise at all. They don't even talk, just stare in different directions at the walls and ceiling. And now they're laughing? _

_What's so funny? Why are they laughing?_

_What did I miss?_

Their confusion bombarded me, but I couldn't stop laughing. If I'd been human, I might have cried. But then, if I'd been human, it might not have struck me as so funny.

Alice jabbed me in the ribs. "See, Edward. Halloween can be fun!"


	3. Rite of Passage

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. Just as _Twilight_ belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the song _The Night Chicago Died_ was sung by the British group Paper Lace and belongs to Peter Robin Callander and Mitch Murray.

This series is my own private challenge from apocalypse cabaret/art of pretension. And you should know by now that I have too much fun finding song lyrics for people to sing to annoy Edward out of their heads.

This particular one-shot would be near the end of Edward's sophomore year.

_**Rite of Passage**_

by silly bella

"Today's going to be fun," Alice giggled as we climbed out of the car into the school parking lot.

Fun at school? Highly unlikely. I was just thankful we were so near the end of the school year. I tried to penetrate her thoughts, but she was singing one of my least favorite songs ever.

_I heard my mama cry; I heard her pray the night Chicago died. Brother what a night it really was. Brother what a fight it really was. Yes, indeed._

What fresh hell was this? What had she seen?

_And the sound of the battle rang through the streets of the old east side 'til the last of the hoodlum gang had surrendered up or died…_

"You do know that Chicago doesn't have an east side, don't you?" I muttered under my breath. "Unless, of course, they're talking about walking on water on Lake Michigan."

Alice narrowed her eyes at me.

"And Al Capone didn't surrender. He was convicted of tax fraud. The idiots who wrote that song had never even been to the United States." I really wished she'd just tell me what was going to happen today that she seemed to find so entertaining.

"Next thing you know, you'll be telling us how you knew Al Capone," Emmett laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "She's the one singing about my hometown dying. A grossly inaccurate song, I might add."

"Doesn't matter if it's accurate or not," Jasper added dryly. "The song was a number one hit. It made it to number three in England. And you know, it even did well in Spanish when Banda Toro recorded a cover." He raised one hand above his head and placed the other at chest level, then snapped his fingers. "_La Noche que Murio Chicago_. And while Chicago may not have an east side to go with its north, south and west sides, there is a small, local neighborhood officially designated as the East Side near both Al Capone's and the police chief's address."

I glared at him, wishing I could channel emotions at him the way Alice hurled lyrics at me. "Seriously, Alice. I know you don't mean I'll really be having fun. Give me some warning. What's going to happen?"

"Alice, the rest of us would like to know, too. We want to be around to see it," Emmett grinned, anticipating some sort of humiliation for me.

"Oh, you will be," Alice chuckled. "Shhhh, you'll ruin it."

The door to the school slammed and a girl came rushing out. _How could he do this to me? Prom is next week! Who breaks up with someone the week before prom? All the juniors and seniors already have dates. Who am I going to get to go with me?_

She passed by us and turned to stare. _The others are dating, but he's not. I'll bet he isn't going to prom._

No. Please. No. What good was vampire speed if you couldn't use it to run away from situations like this?

"Edward Cullen," she said as she approached me.

Alice grinned from ear to ear. Emmett and Jasper chuckled in the background. Rosalie smirked. It didn't take mind-reading or prognostication to figure out what was happening.

"Don't get me wrong on this. I know you don't date. I know you probably prefer guys. But my boyfriend just broke up with me, and I need a prom date." She spoke so fast I might not have been able to understand her if I weren't a vampire. "I have no delusions of romance. I don't even care if you dance. I just want to go to my senior prom. I was sick last year, so I missed it. No one should miss out on something like prom. It's a rite of passage."

I swallowed. I was not going to something as ridiculous as prom. Why on earth would I want to put on a tuxedo to dance in the gymnasium of this god-forsaken school? I felt sorry for this girl, but not _that_ sorry. Still, I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to hurt her feelings unnecessarily. I'd have claimed not to know how to dance – it's not like anyone here would ever know the difference – but she'd made it clear that dancing wasn't an issue.

Before I could come up with an answer, she shook her head. "You're absolutely terrified, aren't you? Are you that scared of girls?" She sighed, clearly exasperated. "Forget about it." With that, she turned on her heel and trotted down the sidewalk.

Emmett and Jasper nearly collapsed into each other laughing. "Edward's afraid of girls," Emmett managed to sputter between guffaws.

"Edward. Speechless. I never thought I'd see the day!" Jasper gasped.

_I told you it would be a fun day. I just didn't say it would be fun for you._ Alice grinned mischievously.

But it was Rosalie who was worst of all. "Are you, Edward?" she teased, smirking. "Are you afraid of girls?"


End file.
